Is it Anxiety or Awakening?

A diary entry looking to understand the stirs that've come up from expanding my awareness.

Maybe I’ve gotten so numb to being in autopilot that when I suddenly become self-aware that I am indeed a living being, alive and breathing in the now and experiencing this world in this body, the anxiety that rises from that awareness is not mere anxiety but me sipping into the tip of awakening. It’s me experiencing a nudge of being awake. It’s indeed feeling, which is something apparently I’ve avoided my entire life. Because I don’t know how to handle feeling, it gets uncomfortable pretty fast.

And my first instinctual reaction is to shake off that feeling. In other words, return to the familiarity, the numbness, the autopilot; otherwise it’s as if I’m walking into uncharted territory, blindly stepping into foreign land. I become so keenly aware of my entirety that the perspective in which I receive that new sight becomes even more crucial. If I enter it through pure flesh, void of love and spirit, I feel suffocated, incarcerated. Trapped in a body. But if I see it through soul and energy, everything becomes possible. Maybe what we refer to as anxiety is only a re-centering of ourselves taking place. The knocking of our souls to wake us up.

And rather than fight it, we just need to let it flow. Because the fighting is what increases that anxiety, the fighting is what propagates the discomfort and begins registering in our bodies as dangerous territory. But if we simply let it sink, let ourselves marinate in the feeling of being awake, and know that we have the circuitry in our brains for it and the architecture in our hearts to amplify our existence. That we’re built for it. We’re built to experience this life in a profound way, not a shallow one. Then the fear will dissipate and stepping into our power will become our safe place. But if we never dare to cross that bridge life actually becomes harder.

Awakening takes courage. And just as if we were inside a rocket that’s launching into space, there will be a phase of discomfort. But that only means our bodies are adjusting to the demands that a new higher self requires.